Holiday Season is Here—But Let’s Talk About Untraditional Traditions
Thanksgiving and Christmas used to be my favorite time of year. The food, the family, the gifts, cozying up with Christmas movies, and playing in the snow with my siblings—it all felt magical.
But as I grew older, the holidays began to lose their spark. People grow up in different ways, and for me, part of “growing up” was being radicalized by Trayvon Martin’s murder, the misogynistic sermons we attended every Sunday as a family, and the societal dynamics I had quietly accepted as a child.
Those moments opened my eyes to a world I hadn’t fully processed before. Suddenly, I became hyper-aware of…everything.
In my early teens, this awareness snowballed into a series of arguments, tense discussions, and realizations that my values, political beliefs, and outlook on life were fundamentally different from the family I grew up with. The holiday season shifted from a time of joy to a time of emotional preparation. I braced myself to defend therapy, dodge questions about my college experience at 14 (because, no, it wasn’t the life-changing dream everyone assumed it to be), and to call out misogyny and homophobia masked as jokes. I learned to stay on my soapbox when body-shaming comments or invasive questions about marriage came up.
When I moved away at 19, I started finding ways to opt out of holiday gatherings—work excuses, feigned illness, anything to avoid the mental and emotional labor these events demanded.
Last year, I finally decided to do something I’d been too scared to do before: I simply said, “I’m not coming.”
And you know what? Nothing happened. There were no life-altering consequences. I realized I didn’t have to subject myself to environments that drained me or compromised my peace.
That decision gave me the space to reimagine the holidays on my own terms. I’ve since started my own traditions and found joy in celebrating the season in ways that feel authentic and nourishing to me.
If the holidays feel more stressful than magical for you, I hope this post encourages you to lean into the untraditional and reclaim this time of year in a way that works for you. Here are a few things I’ve done to fall in love with the holidays again:
Say the Hard Part Out Loud
To create a new way of celebrating the holidays, we first have to acknowledge the problem: something isn’t working. It’s not always easy, but getting comfortable with saying out loud why you’re choosing to do holidays differently is a game-changer.
“I don’t feel like my boundaries are respected when I’m with my family.”
“I don’t want to hang out with blatantly sexist people over cornbread stuffing.”
“I prefer to spend time with people who are good for my nervous system.”
“I don’t want to hear lectures about my personal life choices at thirty-something years old.”
“Why the fuck would I smile and pose next to someone who literally voted against my rights as a human last month for a facebook family photo?”
When we articulate the “why” behind our choices, we make them real. It becomes easier to stand by them and harder to talk ourselves out of them or gaslight ourselves into thinking we’re being unreasonable for protecting our peace.
So say it out loud. Be honest with yourself. There’s power in naming the hard truths—and even more power in creating a holiday season that reflects the love and care you deserve.
Remember: The Holidays Aren’t the Only Time to Be with Family
Families. We all have them. There’s the family you’re born into, and then there’s the family you choose. As we grow, we sometimes find ourselves growing apart from the family we were born into—and that’s okay. But it’s rarely that simple. You might have little to no relationship with a parent but share a wonderful connection with an aunt or uncle. Maybe you adore your siblings but struggle to get along with certain cousins. Your dad’s parents might be open-minded and kind, while your mom’s parents take a more traditional (and less comfortable) approach to life.
This patchwork of relationships can make holidays tricky, especially when everyone is gathered under one roof.
For me, the key was forming individual relationships with family members outside the “group project” of Thanksgiving or Christmas. I started making time for one-on-one connections throughout the year, building bonds on my terms. That might mean a day trip to the suburbs to hang out with my nana, visiting my aunt and cousins in Missouri, or catching up with my uncle over one of our hilariously real conversations.
By nurturing these relationships year-round, I found that I no longer felt grief or a fear of missing out when I chose not to attend big family holiday gatherings. I’d already created joyful moments with the people who matter to me, without the added stress of navigating a complicated family dynamic.
Traditions Are Made Up—So Make Them Yours
One of my favorite things about the holiday season is how customizable it can be. Traditions? They’re all made up anyway. There’s no rulebook for how to celebrate, which means you have the freedom to craft holidays that feel uniquely special to you.
For me, that’s meant blending Friendsgivings with indulgent solo days. Some Thanksgivings, I’ve hosted my friends at my place, or I’ve joined their gatherings. It’s always a hilarious and heartwarming reminder that, somehow, we’re the adults now.
When it comes to Christmas, I’ve fallen in love with solo celebrations—or romantic ones. Waking up at 7 a.m., taking a ridiculously strong edible, baking gluten-free pastries all day long, and having my favorite Christmas movies on an endless loop. It’s indulgent, peaceful, and completely mine. Occasionally, I’ll invite a lover into the mix, sharing my solo festivities with someone special.
Looking ahead, I’m excited to host more gatherings with my chosen family and the relatives I have healthy connections with. I’m also dreaming about solo trips for the holidays—because who wouldn’t want to wake up in Cancún on Christmas morning?
Whether it’s with friends, lovers, travel, or simply indulging in your own company, the holidays are all about making memories. And there are so many beautiful ways to do just that.
Wrapping it Up
All in All
Holidays are meant to be enjoyed. If you find yourself dreading the season, it might be time to rethink your approach. Dare to do something different. Even if guilt-tripping attempts come your way, remember that prioritizing your well-being is an act of self-care—and that’s the greatest gift you can give yourself.
Happy Holidays, however you choose to celebrate.